Writings from f (light)

Moonlight

Written by Courtney Meneses

I got your message the other day

Loneliness may be lurking around lately

But I hope you know you are not alone

I breathe in all your insecurities

Your ego telling lies

Your self doubt

I feel the weight of uncertainty you’ve been carrying around

And I breathe it in

I breathe it in so that you may exhale your greatest existence

In an age of isolation

Its easy to feel bound to the ground

But while you are down there

Set your ear in the snow

Listen to the earth beneath you and know that you are infinitely supported

If you ever feel disconnected

Look up at the moon and know

That every person who inhabits this earth

We all gaze at that same glow

Draw upon her power

Lower your shoulders from your ears

Soak in the comforting blue brilliance that lights up only the darkest of skies

And know this my friend

That when the moon disappears, the same sun will rise.

The edge of this is around the corner

I love you.

Don’t worry.

Spotlight

Written by Courtney Meneses

Every day my eyes peel open

I get to choose what pieces I reveal 

I get to choose the color of my lipstick 

The clothes that will embrace my skin 

If my feet will dance 

Or if they’ll drag along 

Schlepping patterns of dirt into the pavement 

I get to choose today

Whether I have the boldness to stand in the light 

Or if I only have the will

To sit back safely in the shadows

As I land here face to face with your perception 

I wonder this:

When you look at me 

Do you see the beauty in the length and thickness of my hair?

Or do you see the patience it took to grow it?

Do you count the deep brown flares of my eyes?

Or do you see the history that lies beneath them?

Do you see the callouses that grace my hands?

Or do you admire the countless hours of creation?

A deep collection into my thoughts 

And this final one intrudes

Am I really doing any revealing here?

Or is the revealing being done by you?  

Streetlight

Contributions from: Gerlyn Yambao, Kaitlyn Johnson, Maia Draper-Reich, Brenna McCarthy, Becky Kendal, Courtney Meneses

I remember the simplicity of the summer we first met. Despite our hardships, we were happy with nothing more than the sun kissed days we spent in each others arms.

I remember the freedom I finally felt when I let go of all expectations, and just let life be.

I remember I looked up. The tree branches waltzed with the wind overhead. I made a silent wish to be just as rooted, yet free.

I will never forget the exhilaration of that day hiking across the remote land then jumping into the freezing cold water. It was the first day the sun was out and we were giddy.

I will never forget sitting on your porch for hours. In sync despite the decades between us. Oscillating between despair and laughter.

I remember watching you learn to play the guitar and begin to create music. The way you hunched over the instrument as you picked out the chords. As though you were in prayer.

I’ll never forget the first time I spoke out about my past. It was the most liberating, powerful and self inspiring moments I’ve ever had in my life.

I remember the glow of the streetlight. And how the snow looked like magic when it swept across the light.

I remember the sound of the snow crunching as we walked. Unsure of what to say next, each hoping the other might say something first. I knew that no matter what happened though, it would be okay. 

Projection

Written by Michael Gungor. An excert from ‘THIS: Becoming Free’

What I saw and couldn’t unsee was that here and now, in THIS, I am always totally free. In THIS, I am unafraid, unshackled, and grounded in the All in which I am. This freedom doesn’t mean that I experience nothing but happiness or excitement all of the time. I still experience pain, sadness, anger, and the full gamut of human emotions that make this life so fascinating and full, but I am no longer imprisoned by these feelings.

I experience them like breath.

There is THIS inhale. This exhale.

I don’t cling to the in-breath when it is time for the out breath. Nor do I cling to the memory of yesterday’s breath or worry about the uncertainty of tomorrow’s. In this same way there is THIS sadness. THIS joy. THIS bliss. THIS aggravation.

It comes. It goes.

I experience it as fully as my mind is capable of experiencing it in that moment, but the experience does not get stuck under my fingernails like it used to. I used to cling to life, to my stories, to offense, to worry and doubt. Now I see how that sort of attachment to desire only results in suffering, so I have no more desire to cling to these feelings than to hold an angry wasp in my hand.

Better to just let it pass.

When I do not cling, but simply remain in and as THIS very moment, I am free. And if you have “ears to hear,” then so are you.

Kaleidoscope

Written by Courtney Meneses

We are all exactly where we are supposed to be,

at any and every given moment. 

We are all collectively sharing space and time 

while simultaneously, being space and time. 

We are the threads,

woven into the fabric that makes up the Universe. 

No matter how hard you plan 

or try to see into the future. 

You will always be here. 

And it will always be now.

Light Within

Written by Courtney Meneses

Im not going to try to be anything other than exactly what I am 

And I hope you find that same desire

To live honestly 

To dream ostentatiously 

To find your soul set ablaze by the inescapable heat from your passion

I make peace with my distortions

So that I may take a deep plunge into the unknown of a lake

The icy water contracting every muscle under my skin

I choose to let the warmth of the sun thaw me out 

So that the next time I am in the presence of your lips 

I might lean in for the kiss

I step widely out of my comfort zones

So I may find myself in awe of places untraveled

I choose to feel my nerves before I speak

So that when I open my mouth

My truth does not waiver

I get aboard this thing called life and I buckle up for the ride 

I choose to find my outward appreciation

For the sky above and the earth below

To be ever inspired by nature

I acknowledge the physical interactions I have missed

Yet I feel an abundance of graciousness 

For the emotional connections 

kept strong 

Through vibration

Through the heart

And through memory

I know I am exactly where I should be 

As the pop up book I’m living in

Is a manifestation of the deliberate co-creating

I have done with the Universe thus far 

When the tunnel seems like the end is just a pinhole of light

I pray you remember the feeling of hope

I pray you remember the feeling of love

Of community

I hope you find the willingness to keep dreaming

To ascend into greatness

To take F(light)